The difference between roadblocks and flat tyres.

The handy thing about roadblocks is that while they're inconvenient, frustrating and occasionally disheartening ("I'll totally make it to work on ti- oh.") they only bar us from one path. And whether you follow the directions of the handy flashing yellow sign proclaiming "DETOUR" or find your own path, chances are that you'll still end up where you want to be.

Flat tyres..not so forgiving. You accidentally drove over an industrial nail in a parking lot, and shit. You're stuck, and unless you're one of those mature, responsible people who a) carries a spare tyre and b) knows how to replace said tyre, there's nothing to do but ask someone else for help. A taxi, a tow truck, your dad - someone with resources and/or capabilities far beyond yours at this particular point in time.

I feel like this week I've hit the point where I've got so many flat tyres, I may as well be driving Fred Flinstone's car. Earlier this morning, when I was first diagnosed as needing biological aid to overcome my depression, it felt like it came out of nowhere. Surely it was just last week when I was assuring my general practitioner that I only needed another 4 sessions with my counsellor to really make sure I had my mood swings under control? How did it spiral out of my control so suddenly? And why can't I even identify the trigger?

I'm not on anti-depressants, but I have been given 5-HTP capsules (to be taking in conjunction with tablet containing a multitude of B vitamins). At this point, I've put any sort of psychological progress on hold until I can get out of this immediate low point. It's the most reasonable way to go about dealing with things at the moment, but it's also the most frustrating quite simply because being this way stops me from doing almost anything I want to do.

Feel like you should be studying? Sorry, your concentration and short term memory are going to be AWOL for a while.

Feel like going for a run? Nope, extreme lethargy's not pleased with that idea.

Feel like creating interesting, funny or insightful content for the creative project you've just begun? Oh honey..not now.

It's infuriating when you know exactly what you want to do, but simply cannot find it within yourself to get on with it. For example, I know what it is that draws me into a good blog - captivating content, a clear but unique layout, colour, a balance of text and images, a mix of serious and entertaining posts. Yet I can't bring myself to generate any of those features right now, and so I'm left staring at yet another facet of my life that's not quite up to scratch (in itself not particularly helpful when a sense of not being good enough is embedded deeply in the heart of my depression).

To be honest, though, a rubbish blog is not the type of thing that'll get me down for days on end. Really, I know that it will continue to be rubbish for at least another two years as I try to improve my clunky, juvenile writing style. Perhaps these moods are an obstacle, but nothing of real consequence will occur even if I fail to overcome them, so far as blogging goes.

Earlier this year, I changed university course from Pharmacy to Science. A simple enough switch, albeit one strongly discouraged given that I was performing quite well in Pharmacy which is a) more prestigious, b) more challenging and c) far more likely to provide graduates with a high paying job than plain old Science. An innocuous enough decision, surely, except that I changed to Science because I decided that I wanted to pursue another career path, one that I felt suited me far more than being a pharmacist and would enable me to make a genuinely positive difference in people's lives.

Earlier this year, I decided that I wanted to be a psychologist.

..well, fuck.

Nothing is original..

but no one has done something in precisely the same way you have (Alexandra Franzen, 'Unicorns for Socialism').

When stuck in unfortunate circumstances, there are few things more reassuring than talking to someone who has not only gone through the same trials, but succeeded in overcoming them. That is what I hope this will become. It has been estimated that one in five teenagers struggles with mental health, but how often do we hear from these afflicted adolescents? And what difference would it make if we did?

I like to think that someday I'll look back at this poorly written post and be able to read it without (much) embarrassment, because I'll know that this is where it all began.